The Your Stories section is all about you! Please take a minute to tell visitors of the ILGA website about what LGBTI life is like in reality. Please submit your personal story and share your experience!
the following is my friend Tom's story, in his own words
I committed statutory rape with a 15-year old male when I was 51. He was my student. I loved and love him whole-heartedly and completely, and promised him unconditional love, long before any sex took place. Human behavior is complicated and has many varieties. This is an unusual story. The government told a cartoon story with broad strokes of black and white.
I was imprisoned without bond, and had my freedom of speech taken away before I had been convicted of any crime. Newspapers printed government press releases without any checking of any facts. If necessary, I will submit to a polygraph on any statement I make, from any independent administrator. Ask those who contradict my statements if they will do the same. If a statement was proved by evidence or the victim's statements, I will put (P). I have discovered that the police falsify information, and distort and manipulate facts and testimony. My belief in the United States has been shaken.
The young man, a South American adopted into an Orthodox Jewish family, was cutting himself in September of 2009 when we met. He told me it was from the frustration with his home life, and not being allowed to be Latino or social, and being forced to observe a religion he found oppressive. He said one sister attacked him physically several times. He is a remarkable, bright, witty, and kind human being, with a fierce urge for freedom. I found him to be extraordinary. He came to see me most days, even more often after he was warned by his parents that I was homosexual, I found out later.(P) He brought a chess board in for lunches when he found out I played chess. We talked about history, religion, politics, psychology. He eventually he told me about the cutting.
I called his father, talked to the rabbis, called a psychologist, put him in touch with a former student with whom I thought he might click (heterosexual), gave him a copy of The Road Less Travelled, the best book I thought on how one gets happy. He kept cutting. I was frantic to help. I promised to love him unconditionally, forever. We loved talking, and I hoped I could make up whatever he lacked. I promised to do anything in my power to help him be happy. I sent him affirmation texts. (Know you are loved, you are great as you are, say "I am a wonderful person," etc.)
Some months later, on the phone, he said we should have sex. I told him that was a "really bad idea."
Some time later, he said he was playing tennis next to my building, and he would come by to work on a project. He came up, and said he was not there to work on the project, but to have sex. I tried to talk him out of it. (P) I said I could love him without sex. (P) He said I didn't have to. I said he did not owe me sex for love. He said he knew he did not owe, he wanted it, and he said I did too. I said sex was not that important, that he should not ask such a thing just for sex. He said it was for true love, that we were soul mates, we would be together forever. I said if we were soul mates then, we would be so in a few years. He said, true, but since we were we did not have to wait. Many times, he said he needed it to live. He confirmed at trial that he believed that. (P) He believed he loved me and that I loved him. (P) I said he should be with someone his age. He said he was attracted to older men. (P) I said everyone would assume it was my fault when it came out (even years later if we were together). He said he would tell them he picked me, and besides, we would be together. He said he had known what he wanted for a long time. He said such things happened all the time. Nothing happened that day (Feb,. 13 2010) We agreed to work it out. The conversation continued the next day with many more reasons for no on my part. He finally said if it was not me, it would be some other older white guy. (P) I agreed on February 14.
I have tried to be a good person my whole life. I try not to manipulate people. I love people without sex; sex and love are not the same thing. I do not even like to have sex with someone drunk, even a boyfriend because of the consent issue. I have always tried to tell the truth. Even in teaching, I would tell students the reason I was doing something (quizzes are designed to force you to read, etc.) I have tried to help the outcasts, with chess and theater. Many students said I saved lives, saved souls.
No combination of things could have made me give in like those. I had to save the life of someone I loved, a soul mate with love so true that 35 years made no difference, and if I didn't do it he would go do it somewhere else. I justified it by saving his life, not denying true love, and protecting him from those who did not love him. It was clearly wrong, but has anyone been subject to such arguments in such a situation? He said, trust me, believe me.
I thought that rejection just might kill him. I thought he wanted to be trusted and believed. I rationalized that the release of sex with someone he loved might stop the cutting. I let myself believe. He said in a statement later he did it for power and control. (P) The cutting stopped for four months until another fight with his sister.
Once I agreed I did whatever I could to make him happy. He was very advanced sexually. He claimed that I was the first, but close examination of his statement excluded from trial makes that claim dubious. He wanted to try light bondage and spanking. I always did what he asked. The prosecutor loved to say "penetrated with objects." I was the far more often penetrated. Everything done was done mutually. He was very happy, almost giddy. Only he could arrange meeting times. I came when he called, and did what he asked. He estimated 50 to 60 times in 5 months. The frequency with which he chose should have been proof of a loving if wrong relationship; I had no ability to arrange to see him. The schedule was his. He repeatedly texted and told me "You saved my life."
I had to move to Virginia to make more money. He said he wanted us to be together, so I remained faithful. I saw him that Christmas break, once, and it was clear he was no longer interested. He had been sleeping with a number of other older men. (P This is factual from his statements, not speculation.) I did not know that until my arrest. He called me to officially end the relationship in January. I was heart-broken, but I never raised his vow of eternal love. I tried to continue loving him as a friend. We soon emailed, and I never asked to renew the sexual relationship. I offered to be a best friend (my choice) or never talk to him if that was what he needed. (P) His emails say things like "Thank you...for everything," and "Not worry about you? Not possible." The emails are available.
He broke contact in early June of 2011. I heard by email from someone claiming to be him in October of that year, but it was not him. I denied the sex, thinking it was his family. I promised to do anything to help him if HE asked, and ended contact with the impostor. It was a Florida law enforcement agent. That was my first offer to turn myself in.
He got in trouble for his sexual contact with men. He refused to cooperate with police. (P) He was locked in psychological facilities for a year. He was brainwashed into changing the facts of what happened, (P) and his attitude was reversed. As far as I can tell, he was locked up for being actively gay. He was 17 for most of that time. In May 2012 he cooperated with police, and contacted me. When he called, I said I was ready to come tell the truth if that was what he needed. My second offer. He said he wanted me to come see him (reversed by police) and that he could not wait until he was 18. (P) I was confused by his previous rejection and now reversal. The policeman, as the young man, sent me sexually suggestive texts and emails, begging for me to renew the relationship, and made me promise to say something on the phone. It was the young man on the phone. I promised, and the young man initiated phone sex at the behest of the police. (P) I tried to decline; he said he had "needs." (P) I came to Florida and was arrested, after telling him twice more on the phone I would come and tell the truth. He was three months away from his 18th birthday at this point. The federal age of consent is 16, but they charged me under the Florida age of 18, but using a federal charge that carried a sentence of 10 to life.
The young man's police statement on which the indictment was based was largely disproved at trial. (P) The federal government charged me under an internet predator law, convinced that there were other victims. The police directed or suggested the false testimony. (P) They said I showed him child porn, which makes no sense. This was dismissed on sentencing, but they used it twice in trial to disgust the jury. They kept hinting at trial and sentencing about other victims, who do not exist, in spite of running a hotline number that was carried in the US and England. I find men from the age of maturity to 30ish more attractive sexually than older men, though not exclusively. Do heterosexuals do this as well? Does a 50 year old heterosexual fantasize about 50 year-ld women? I tried NOT to see students outside of school. I would never seduce anyone; the greatest attraction for me is someone's desire for me.
When the other victims did not appear, they brought in the FBI grooming expert to say I groomed him, since the evidence of persuading, enticing, inducing or coercing was slim. No grooming scenario exists in which the "groomer" waits for the "victim" to ask for sex, and then tries to dissuade the "victim." As unlikely as my story sounds, at trial he admitted that he, not I, proposed sex, that I tried to talk him out of it (and thus he talked me into it), that he BELIEVED he needed it to live, that I said I could love him without sex, and that he said he would find another older white guy if I said no. He AFFIRMED these at trial.
The interpretation of the law for induce as "cause" is to "allow to happen," when it should mean force. Under this absurd reading, this law has a LOWER threshold of guilt than statutory rape; a text message saying "OK, I will pick you up," would convict, without any contact. If every gay teen who texted an older lover were to be found in South Florida, there would be an army in prison. Statutory rape under federal guidelines carries a 41-51 month sentence. I was given 200 months under the persuasion statute. I had offered to plead guilty to statutory rape and it was rejected; they blamed me at sentencing for putting him through the trial.
Most heterosexual women in the same situation are sentenced to probation to two years. The application of this statute was arbitrary and unequal. The prosecutor announced to the jury that he granted that the "sex was consensual." The age of consent in Israel is 15, so in that civilized a country I would not even have committed a crime at all. The rich are sued for this. Where is the moral fairness?
Why was I prosecuted this way? Conservative politics and homosexuality. The family is Orthodox Jewish, the investigator who fashioned the testimony is Catholic, the prosecutor is Republican, and the judge voted for Rick Santorum.
I believed saving his life, or both of us believing it, would mitigate the statutory rape charge. I believed telling the truth and offering to turn myself in would mitigate. Telling the truth was the worst thing I could have done. Had I denied him when he called, and lied, nothing would have happened. I tried to be honest; rejecting him seemed to violate my vow of love.
I do not "blame" him for sleeping with other men. I do not love him less. I would have done anything for his happiness. I would have gladly NOT slept with him. I rationalized that I was being courageous to save his life and risk my own. I felt he was testing to see if my vow of eternal, unconditional love was real. He convinced me we were breaking convention for our mutual happiness. I thought I could serve some years to save him. If it truly saved his life, I wish I could say that knowing what I do now, I would still have been loyal enough to say yes. I would not have had the courage. I am sorry it happened either way.
Does love matter? Does fairness matter? Does the truth matter? When does a person have sexual and religious freedom? Can a conservative family change those by locking someone in psychological units, to change attitudes and alter facts? Does gay sex justify any level of charges, and any lying by the government?
I'm a gay men. I stay home and take care of my home and husband and a Small farm. I went to court for having pot and the judge said I was lazy. My household makes 250g a year. I worked off shore for a cruise liner. I got sick two weeks in. They would not let me stay on shore for a week to get better . So I HAD TO quit. I've worded coast to coast. What should do? I'm very sorry I know the world is bad.i wrote this before I read the storys I want to help. The court wanted tyo put me in jail for five year but I know now that the worlds a hole lot worst. I love you !!! Stick in there and maybe the WILL GET BETTER before you know it. Our power together WILL fix the world . We just have to stick in there no matter what. Love for all!!
Cast the Last Stone
or
I Got Your Civil Union Hangin’
Do you take this man and this woman
Do you take this woman and man
To love and to honor and cherish
The way only a good Christian can
Will you throw a few stones at the heathens
Will you tell ‘em all where they can go
Will you hate everyone who’s not like you
For the Bible tells you it’s so
Or will you listen to that old hippy Jesus
Who said Leave all the bullshit behind
And let two dear sweet lesbian lovers
Enjoy all the love they can find
{chorus}
I’ve always loved you
And you’ve always loved me
You’d think love would be easy
In the land of the free
In a world full of bitterness
Hatred
And stone
Why don’t you leave all the lovers alone?
The love police say we can’t marry
The thought police say we can’t think
While the lawmakers locked in the closet
Say we can’t watch them buy the boys drinks
I love you like your soul is my soul
I’ll stay till the end of the world
But the minister ran from the altar
When he found we’re a couple of girls
Tradition can be a real mother
Those weren’t cruise ships in the triangle trade
And the two dear sweet lesbian lovers
Know it’s time to make history fade
{chorus}
Money is nice if it’s decent
And handy when push comes to shove
But the two dear sweet lesbian lovers
Know everything’s lost without love
They say Jesus he died for the sinners
And he fought so that true love will win
But the two dear sweet lesbian lovers
Were told they should read the small print
Charlie Manson can legally marry
Any woman that’ll give him the time
But the two dear sweet lesbian lovers
Were told that their love is a crime
{chorus}
Yeah, Charlie Manson can legally marry
Any woman that’ll give him the time
But the two dear sweet lesbian lovers
THEY KNOW THAT THEIR LOVE IS SUBLIME
As an American girl in her college years, I meet people from all over the world and of all different religions. Although America tends to have some horrendous issues on the subject of gay marriage, they are, overall, quite accepting. Since one of my majors in college is religious studies, I have made a lot of Muslim friends and have learned a lot about Arabic countries. It saddens me to hear of countries where you can be put in jail for life or even put to death for being gay. I simply cannot, whatsoever, understand such ignorance and hatred towards a person simply due to a basic part of their personnage that does not harm anyone else! I'm glad to say though, that everyone single one of these Islamic friends, who come from countries such as Morocco, Egypt, and Saudi Arabia, are all open-minded! Whatever their typical religious or cultural beliefs, they all believe in freedom of expression and a person being aloud to be who they are as long as they don't harm others. This, to me, sounds like a major step. Not only are they spreading Arab and Muslim culture that will spread Gay Tolerance here in America, but most of them even hope to do so in mother countries. I can only wish them the best of luck as they attempt to do so, hoping that I too can do something to aid the situations of those countries where gays are put to death simply for being themselves. I've begun to learn a lot about the Qur'an (Koran) and have learned to speak Arabic. I hope to start various online and in-person groups to continue the spread of positive LGBT outlook from the Muslim/Arab community.
Heyo, keep calm.
I think that you´re right in some parts. It´s not fair, that the western countries try to enforce their culture onto other countries. But i think it´s not fair either to be killed because of your sexuality, religion, oppinion, race, culture, etc. Eerybody should have the right to choose i what you believe, which gender you prefer for sex, to tell his own oppinion.
I know that he world isn´t perfect and never will be, but i think everyone can make a step toward a better world with less discrimination.
And i think that it´s nice to warn everyone, that homosexuals should be carfull in some countries.
"Welcome to the 21st Century" by Reinaldo J. Rendon
Oct.04 2010
It hasn’t been too long since the recognition of civil rights for women and our black brethren has allowed their successful integration into what has become a more tolerant, even welcoming society to those that were originally oppressed by outdated laws, and fearful politicians. Although society and laws are still adapting to these modifications, their success has depended mostly on the efforts of those who saw conservation of unnecessary old customs as misguided way to conceal inconvenient or uncomfortable truths. By truth I refer to something universal, unaffected by our perceptions; by truth in this case I refer to equality and freedom.
Thousands of years have passed since certain flawed corrupted/outdated values of the church began to persecute "the wicked", from witches to demons as its doctrine spread through all corners of the Earth. Meanwhile, science has been evolving alongside human civilization and society. Although our knowledge and justice systems have supposedly evolved to the point where we understand all capable humans as equals, (and those not fully capable, as still human…sometimes more), we still don’t have laws that protect and grant gay citizens the same rights, protections, and benefits as our heterosexual counterparts.
Greater understanding of the human mind has been achieved since the consolidation of psychology as a social science. No longer “witches”, nor possessed, we understand mentally ill patients and their conditions; we create treatments to aid them, and structure adequate processes to integrate them into society in a way that they can successfully “fuse” with the system. With the progress of science, and its imminent exposure of the truth, many conservatives have come to re-awaken to the idea that Christianity promotes love and tolerance, not hate nor discrimination. I remember a great quote from a great man who once said “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” with a hooker-made-apostle lying at his feet. Although we now frown upon societies that throw stones as ways of punishing their “criminals”, many still throw verbal/mental stones at those who are different simply because they were not educated properly and laws haven’t progressed rapidly enough to protect those in need.
“In recognition of the scientific evidence, the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from the DSM in 1973, stating that “homosexuality per se implies no impairment in judgment, stability, reliability, or general social or vocational capabilities.
After thoroughly reviewing the scientific data, the American Psychological Association adopted the same position in 1975, and urged all mental health professionals “to take the lead in removing the stigma of mental illness that has long been associated with homosexual orientations…Thus, mental health professionals and researchers have long recognized that being homosexual poses no inherent obstacle to leading a happy, healthy, and productive life” (American Psychiatric Association, 1975).
This is true in every sense but the legal one, for denying homosexuals the right to benefit from social/financial unions such as marriage deprives them of certain benefits such as tax-breaks, insurance coverage, or even to be treated as a family member at the time of an accident. The right for a gay American to marry their foreign lover in order to live happily in their free country is impossible; their relationship has no option but to end the moment their foreign “life-partner’s” Visa expires.
Furthermore, the absence of laws that prevent the hate word “faggot” being as commonly used as the hate word “nigger” was before the creation of civil laws that protected the blacks, prevents the social boundaries that allow proper growth of youths in a non-hostile environment. Evidence of this are the (now due to the increasing growth of general acceptance, as the next generation of straight and gay citizens whose education has been updated steps up to the plate) recently public wave of juvenile suicide cases...that are sadly, and ultimately, nothing new...
The point is that people’s lives are still ticking away while bureaucrats place the issue on the back-burner generation after generation, refusing to accept that gay people are equal, and therefore deserve the same rights as everyone else. While most other developed nations in Europe, and even Latin American (Colombia, Argentina, Mexico currently debating it) permit civil unions between homosexuals with equal recognition of all their rights, “The Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave” continues to ignore the silent screaming of a small, but definetly existent percentage of their population that seeks nothing more but an equal opportunity at happiness. If the constitution and even the declaration of independence place us all as equals, defining America as a nation ruled by majority, that protects minorities…then how can we allow our rights to freedom, financial prosperity, protection of our nation, and even to live safely in peace without being forced to deny who you are slip away from us.
Is there not a separation between Church and State? Does scientific evidence hold any value over social struggle against the conservation of ignorance? Aren’t we all guaranteed the same protections and rights regardless of our race, gender, sexual orientation, or favorite ice-cream flavor? Do societies evolve or change on their own?
Gay (much like “straight” or “bi”) is also not a choice, but it is something that affects everyone, regardless of their race, gender, or religious preference across the globe since the beginning of civilization. Even animals may choose a same-sex life partner as evidenced by the study of the University of Oslo, that states “More than 1500 species where homosexuality have been observed” (“Against Nature? Oslo). Gay should not be a taboo. Gay is not an illness that can be prayed nor drugged away. You can attempt to brainwash someone into becoming straight, but then you would just be hindering their potential to fully experience their lives, and their rights to explore themselves as human beings without hurting anyone.
Would you want your children, or a loved one's child to live unhappily repressed simply because God/Genetics made them in a certain way that the world hasn’t updated fast enough to fully accept them as people? In a world of repression and lies, it would not be difficult for one to marry someone that is secretly gay, and refuses to come out simply out of lack of courage that it takes to live under such different conditions...do you think that could truly be a happy and honest marriage? Think about the children caught within the parental struggle to stabilize their personal mentality and sexuality and their mental health compared to those that grow up in open and caring environments.
With Florida being one of the many states that recognizes gays’ right to adopt (instead of permitting an vast number of children stuck in orphanages or foster homes relying on state budget/care), we join many developed nations who understand the full personal/economic value of all its tax-payers without any form of discrimination. Furthermore, if the violation of the sanctity of marriage is in question, then know some consider divorce a far greater offense, for it breaks an oath made in front God and the State (perjury?)...but it was still implemented into law due to the social necessity that so many people required in order to find financial and personal stability in their lives.
To simplify the concept a bit more:
If Gay-Joe and Gay-Jane were perceived as “people” instead of “gays” by the majority, our society would improve a lot more having provided every normal human being the rights and protections they deserve. People shouldn’t be perceived legally or socially by who they are biologically, but by what they hope to do for the world around them. This would promote a more accepting co-existence between all members of American society, as well as monogamy and general honesty.
Most conservatives that still discriminate against people based on their sexual orientation are mostly misinformed, or choose to ignore truth simply out of the comfort brought on by tradition or some form of profit. Others are closeted gays who envy the freedom, while others are simply out to hate on someone for what they’ve been taught as “sins” to feel a little better about their own faults; however they’re not the ones we allow to write our academic texts, nor are they the knowledgeable authorities we quote when we teach facts in our schools. Also, if gays were allowed to formally unite under the state, and their individual interpretation of God (we all see our Creator differently, we have a right to do so), that alone would promote monogamy and prevent sexually transmitted diseases among all groups (not that gays are statistically in the lead anymore; now replaced by African-American men). This would also allow more people to reconcile with the bonds that have been severed by temples that promote hate and discrimination, instead of providing help to those in need, or uniting the children of God without casting any stones (if they truly do see him as the supreme judge).
I invite you all to re-examine your definitions of justice, violence, and empathy for we are forging today the world of tomorrow, and as we do, we must do so carefully given how this nation has remained the center-stage of the world (at the very least in terms of democratic ideals) for a couple centuries. It shouldn't take global calamities, waves of pestilence, the bloody (in a term familiar to most: expensive) aftermath of riots and wars, or financial meltdowns for people to focus more in building the bridges and crumbling the walls that separate us, before they become bars in the dawn of an age with diminishing natural resources, and the decaying socio-political values that impede people from realizing how much influence they have lost over the basics of their democratic principles. We are all still working on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s dream to make this nation “rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: we hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal”…and that no one should be judged by the color of their skin (or the way God/Genetics brought them into the world).
We shouldn’t wait for it to “get better”, it should be “alright” for all who support and believe the democratic spirit of America, a nation conformed of different states that in spite of being slightly different in their ideology, most stand united as those who wish to protect freedom and peace.
Remember, America is “The Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave”.
My name is Alberto Morales, I am a videographer at the New York Civil Liberties Union. I am writing to let you know about a video we just made that features your map of lgbt rights around the world prominently. I wanted to share with you so that you would know that your work is appreciated and that it is our honor to share it with our members. We also hope that you find occasion to send to your members and interested parties.
I was in the U.S. Coast Guard. While enlisted, at the age of 19, I met someone who lied about his age (said he was 17) in efforts to try and have sex with me. I was in CA and was alone and had no family nearby, was trying to make friends. When I met him, he tried having sex with me and, later, told me he was 15. We never did have sex, btw. A few years later, while stationed in MA, the Coast Guard began investigating the "crime". They interrogated me without an attorney for nearly three hours, citing "rape" (they presumed I had raped someone). They searched my car and found directions to places I had been with my boyfriend, but turned the information against me and told the Staff Judge Advocate that I was a "Pedophile...with directions to boys' houses" in my vehicle.
My executive officer told me that I was not to tell anyone about what was going on; however, my chief found out and reprimanded me, telling me that I should have told him (even though my XO ordered me to keep it to myself).
Time went on and I was assigned a Navy JAG officer as an attorney (assigned by the prosecution). He said that I had "nothing to worry about", that I was "the victim in this case". We talked on the phone, but he was stationed five hours away and could never come to discuss the "crime" with me.
My Captain told me that I needed to see him - she knew I was a nice person and told me that he needed to visit so that he could see that I wasn't some "criminal"...she gave me the keys to her government car and offered to give me leave to visit, but he was always too busy to see me.
In the nine months he was assigned to me, I saw him twice: once on the day of the court-martial and once on the day of the Article 32 Investigative Hearing.
At one point, I was told that I would receive an "Other Than Honorable" discharge if I saw a military psychiatrist and was deemed to be neither a pedophile nor a sociopath...
I gladly cooperated. The psychiatrist found me to be neither a pedophile nor a sociopath and recommended that the military not discharge me...
That information was used against me - the prosecution used the information (the fact that I had told him I was gay) against me and began forming information for my trial...
My attorney, at one point, made a comment to me - that I could "Move to Europe and find a sugar daddy"...what made things worse is the fact that he did not honor my request:
I wanted a full-scale court martial. I felt that if a jury of my peers actually think that this guy performed oral sodomy on me (even though he told the prosecution that he did not), then, sobeit.
He coerced me into pleading guilty.
So, I plead guilty to a crime that I did not commit and was sentenced to five months in a Naval Brig (military prison).
During the appeals process, I could not afford an attorney, so was assigned another one by the U.S. Coast Guard.
This attorney told me that she was pretty certain she could get my case overturned; however, just before submitting my information to the U.S. Coast Guard Court for Criminal Appeals, she retired and I was assigned a NEW attorney - one who never even bothered to call to tell me what was going on.
Needless to say - the U.S. Coast Guard upheld my "guilty" plea - even thought I TOLD THEM that I did not want to plead guilty and that I was coerced into doing so by the initial attorney.
It was complete and utter b.s. I know that, if I had thousands of dollars for a lawyer, then my case would have been treated like a real one.
To make it worse: the ACLU and SLDN (both of whom preach "helping gays out") both said that my case was not important and that they could not help me. Now, people donate MILLIONS to both and NEITHER could donate money for my defense.
Hello,
I am the daughter of a lesbian. I love my mom very much and support her completely. As I child I was ridiculed, and isolated because of this. I lived in the bible belt and the people there were closed-minded and hurtful. I want to be a part of this movement to CHANGE MINDS! Equal rights are for everyone! One day, (wo)mankind will realize that we are all equal.
I just want you all to know that there are other people that support your cause, not everyone has hate in their heart. I cannot wait to live in a world where foster children get placed in loving homes instead of being moved around and feeling unloved because "there aren't enough straight people to adopt them". A world that understands that there are more than two genders. A world that will let my mom get married. A world where everyone really is equal.
and I want to help any way I can.
I love everyone.
My name is sam. im 17 years old. I am freely Bisexual. i have a boyfriend, but i still like girls,, he has no problem with it. he just doesnt want to know that a girl can take me awa from him. i think its wrong for him to say something like that becasue i love him, but i like girls too. sometimes idk what to do. my dad doesnt like me being bisexual because im an embarrasment to him. but my mom loves me no matter what. i think the only real reason why i am the way that i am is because i was raised by 3 gay cousins. i love them to death. but sometimes ppl think that my brother might be gay and its wrong. everyday i walk around like i have a cement block on my head because i dont know the answers to myself. im stuck in a little box because no one wants to hear me out. and this is the only way i see out of that box...
I committed statutory rape with a 15-year old male when I was 51. He was my student. I loved and love him whole-heartedly and completely, and promised him unconditional love, long before any sex took place. Human behavior is complicated and has many varieties. This is an unusual story. The government told a cartoon story with broad strokes of black and white.
I was imprisoned without bond, and had my freedom of speech taken away before I had been convicted of any crime. Newspapers printed government press releases without any checking of any facts. If necessary, I will submit to a polygraph on any statement I make, from any independent administrator. Ask those who contradict my statements if they will do the same. If a statement was proved by evidence or the victim's statements, I will put (P). I have discovered that the police falsify information, and distort and manipulate facts and testimony. My belief in the United States has been shaken.
The young man, a South American adopted into an Orthodox Jewish family, was cutting himself in September of 2009 when we met. He told me it was from the frustration with his home life, and not being allowed to be Latino or social, and being forced to observe a religion he found oppressive. He said one sister attacked him physically several times. He is a remarkable, bright, witty, and kind human being, with a fierce urge for freedom. I found him to be extraordinary. He came to see me most days, even more often after he was warned by his parents that I was homosexual, I found out later.(P) He brought a chess board in for lunches when he found out I played chess. We talked about history, religion, politics, psychology. He eventually he told me about the cutting.
I called his father, talked to the rabbis, called a psychologist, put him in touch with a former student with whom I thought he might click (heterosexual), gave him a copy of The Road Less Travelled, the best book I thought on how one gets happy. He kept cutting. I was frantic to help. I promised to love him unconditionally, forever. We loved talking, and I hoped I could make up whatever he lacked. I promised to do anything in my power to help him be happy. I sent him affirmation texts. (Know you are loved, you are great as you are, say "I am a wonderful person," etc.)
Some months later, on the phone, he said we should have sex. I told him that was a "really bad idea."
Some time later, he said he was playing tennis next to my building, and he would come by to work on a project. He came up, and said he was not there to work on the project, but to have sex. I tried to talk him out of it. (P) I said I could love him without sex. (P) He said I didn't have to. I said he did not owe me sex for love. He said he knew he did not owe, he wanted it, and he said I did too. I said sex was not that important, that he should not ask such a thing just for sex. He said it was for true love, that we were soul mates, we would be together forever. I said if we were soul mates then, we would be so in a few years. He said, true, but since we were we did not have to wait. Many times, he said he needed it to live. He confirmed at trial that he believed that. (P) He believed he loved me and that I loved him. (P) I said he should be with someone his age. He said he was attracted to older men. (P) I said everyone would assume it was my fault when it came out (even years later if we were together). He said he would tell them he picked me, and besides, we would be together. He said he had known what he wanted for a long time. He said such things happened all the time. Nothing happened that day (Feb,. 13 2010) We agreed to work it out. The conversation continued the next day with many more reasons for no on my part. He finally said if it was not me, it would be some other older white guy. (P) I agreed on February 14.
I have tried to be a good person my whole life. I try not to manipulate people. I love people without sex; sex and love are not the same thing. I do not even like to have sex with someone drunk, even a boyfriend because of the consent issue. I have always tried to tell the truth. Even in teaching, I would tell students the reason I was doing something (quizzes are designed to force you to read, etc.) I have tried to help the outcasts, with chess and theater. Many students said I saved lives, saved souls.
No combination of things could have made me give in like those. I had to save the life of someone I loved, a soul mate with love so true that 35 years made no difference, and if I didn't do it he would go do it somewhere else. I justified it by saving his life, not denying true love, and protecting him from those who did not love him. It was clearly wrong, but has anyone been subject to such arguments in such a situation? He said, trust me, believe me.
I thought that rejection just might kill him. I thought he wanted to be trusted and believed. I rationalized that the release of sex with someone he loved might stop the cutting. I let myself believe. He said in a statement later he did it for power and control. (P) The cutting stopped for four months until another fight with his sister.
Once I agreed I did whatever I could to make him happy. He was very advanced sexually. He claimed that I was the first, but close examination of his statement excluded from trial makes that claim dubious. He wanted to try light bondage and spanking. I always did what he asked. The prosecutor loved to say "penetrated with objects." I was the far more often penetrated. Everything done was done mutually. He was very happy, almost giddy. Only he could arrange meeting times. I came when he called, and did what he asked. He estimated 50 to 60 times in 5 months. The frequency with which he chose should have been proof of a loving if wrong relationship; I had no ability to arrange to see him. The schedule was his. He repeatedly texted and told me "You saved my life."
I had to move to Virginia to make more money. He said he wanted us to be together, so I remained faithful. I saw him that Christmas break, once, and it was clear he was no longer interested. He had been sleeping with a number of other older men. (P This is factual from his statements, not speculation.) I did not know that until my arrest. He called me to officially end the relationship in January. I was heart-broken, but I never raised his vow of eternal love. I tried to continue loving him as a friend. We soon emailed, and I never asked to renew the sexual relationship. I offered to be a best friend (my choice) or never talk to him if that was what he needed. (P) His emails say things like "Thank you...for everything," and "Not worry about you? Not possible." The emails are available.
He broke contact in early June of 2011. I heard by email from someone claiming to be him in October of that year, but it was not him. I denied the sex, thinking it was his family. I promised to do anything to help him if HE asked, and ended contact with the impostor. It was a Florida law enforcement agent. That was my first offer to turn myself in.
He got in trouble for his sexual contact with men. He refused to cooperate with police. (P) He was locked in psychological facilities for a year. He was brainwashed into changing the facts of what happened, (P) and his attitude was reversed. As far as I can tell, he was locked up for being actively gay. He was 17 for most of that time. In May 2012 he cooperated with police, and contacted me. When he called, I said I was ready to come tell the truth if that was what he needed. My second offer. He said he wanted me to come see him (reversed by police) and that he could not wait until he was 18. (P) I was confused by his previous rejection and now reversal. The policeman, as the young man, sent me sexually suggestive texts and emails, begging for me to renew the relationship, and made me promise to say something on the phone. It was the young man on the phone. I promised, and the young man initiated phone sex at the behest of the police. (P) I tried to decline; he said he had "needs." (P) I came to Florida and was arrested, after telling him twice more on the phone I would come and tell the truth. He was three months away from his 18th birthday at this point. The federal age of consent is 16, but they charged me under the Florida age of 18, but using a federal charge that carried a sentence of 10 to life.
The young man's police statement on which the indictment was based was largely disproved at trial. (P) The federal government charged me under an internet predator law, convinced that there were other victims. The police directed or suggested the false testimony. (P) They said I showed him child porn, which makes no sense. This was dismissed on sentencing, but they used it twice in trial to disgust the jury. They kept hinting at trial and sentencing about other victims, who do not exist, in spite of running a hotline number that was carried in the US and England. I find men from the age of maturity to 30ish more attractive sexually than older men, though not exclusively. Do heterosexuals do this as well? Does a 50 year old heterosexual fantasize about 50 year-ld women? I tried NOT to see students outside of school. I would never seduce anyone; the greatest attraction for me is someone's desire for me.
When the other victims did not appear, they brought in the FBI grooming expert to say I groomed him, since the evidence of persuading, enticing, inducing or coercing was slim. No grooming scenario exists in which the "groomer" waits for the "victim" to ask for sex, and then tries to dissuade the "victim." As unlikely as my story sounds, at trial he admitted that he, not I, proposed sex, that I tried to talk him out of it (and thus he talked me into it), that he BELIEVED he needed it to live, that I said I could love him without sex, and that he said he would find another older white guy if I said no. He AFFIRMED these at trial.
The interpretation of the law for induce as "cause" is to "allow to happen," when it should mean force. Under this absurd reading, this law has a LOWER threshold of guilt than statutory rape; a text message saying "OK, I will pick you up," would convict, without any contact. If every gay teen who texted an older lover were to be found in South Florida, there would be an army in prison. Statutory rape under federal guidelines carries a 41-51 month sentence. I was given 200 months under the persuasion statute. I had offered to plead guilty to statutory rape and it was rejected; they blamed me at sentencing for putting him through the trial.
Most heterosexual women in the same situation are sentenced to probation to two years. The application of this statute was arbitrary and unequal. The prosecutor announced to the jury that he granted that the "sex was consensual." The age of consent in Israel is 15, so in that civilized a country I would not even have committed a crime at all. The rich are sued for this. Where is the moral fairness?
Why was I prosecuted this way? Conservative politics and homosexuality. The family is Orthodox Jewish, the investigator who fashioned the testimony is Catholic, the prosecutor is Republican, and the judge voted for Rick Santorum.
I believed saving his life, or both of us believing it, would mitigate the statutory rape charge. I believed telling the truth and offering to turn myself in would mitigate. Telling the truth was the worst thing I could have done. Had I denied him when he called, and lied, nothing would have happened. I tried to be honest; rejecting him seemed to violate my vow of love.
I do not "blame" him for sleeping with other men. I do not love him less. I would have done anything for his happiness. I would have gladly NOT slept with him. I rationalized that I was being courageous to save his life and risk my own. I felt he was testing to see if my vow of eternal, unconditional love was real. He convinced me we were breaking convention for our mutual happiness. I thought I could serve some years to save him. If it truly saved his life, I wish I could say that knowing what I do now, I would still have been loyal enough to say yes. I would not have had the courage. I am sorry it happened either way.
Does love matter? Does fairness matter? Does the truth matter? When does a person have sexual and religious freedom? Can a conservative family change those by locking someone in psychological units, to change attitudes and alter facts? Does gay sex justify any level of charges, and any lying by the government?
I hope the young will save my life some day.
Please tell my story.
Thomas Patrick Keelan 98219-004
FDC Miami