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The Your Stories section is all about you! Please take a minute to tell visitors of the ILGA website about what LGBTI life is like in reality. Please submit your personal story and share your experience!

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Readers Experiences

This is what people are saying about life for LGBTI people in PAKISTAN...
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(user currently living in PAKISTAN) posted for readers on 24/11/2012 tagged with health +24

My Sexuality Dilema: Your Opinion And Advice Sought!!

I'm 34 years old. Since the age of 11 or 12, I have had a rather peculiar condition as regards my sexuality:

Instead of feeling sexually attracted toward the women, I feel attraction toward men aged a lot higher than myself. My desire is always to feel and explore their body--bosom and genitalia --, exchanging hugs and kisses and sharing their bed, BUT I NEVER FEEL ANY URGE FOR ANAL SEX -- whether be acting as top or bottom, nor do I have any lust for nudity. All I seek is a close contact with an aged person of my erotic liking, and that causes me to ejaculate.

In almost all of my sexual fantacies and dreams, I find myself enjoying an expereince of this sort or being wishful of being such and such a person's wife, or female sexual partner.

I once even had sex with a women so as to give myself the taste of the feeling so I could get my sexuality straightened. but the condition still remains despite that and the fact that I don't have -- and haven't had -- any male companion to cater to my desire.

I'm nowadays studying at a university, in an open and free co-education environment, where the males and the females freely intermingle, but, while I do enjoy talking to my female peers here, the only sexual urge I have ever felt during my three year stay here has been toward the male aged people that I have come into contact with -- among them three faculty members (with ages nearly 63, 66, and 77, respectively), the directors of hostels and of messing (both aged around 60), and a hostel caretaker (aged 61), for instance.

Last year in May, I had my first-ever free encounter with an aged person, a 63-year-old New Yorker gay, which I really enjoyed, but have never had any such opportunity despite many attempts on my part.

Since then, I've been visiting the most senior and aged professor of mine, who lives on campus all alone, his family being settled in Australia. I've tried many times to tacitly invite him to indulge in erotic acts and have noticed that he although he's taken the hints and perhaps would even like to accept the offer, but for fear of his repute!!

In the past, I've tried with several other aged people to entice them into the amorous activity, but have had very little success. The other person would sometimes not take the hint at all; sometimes tacitly ignore or even indulge; and once or twice even explicitly rebuke me.

In the above paragraph I've tried my best to describe accurately and to the point my actual situation. Please feel free, however, to ask any questions to enable you to get to the heart of the matter. I hope you could give me some good and well-thought-out advice on how best I can cope with my condition.

I would be really grateful if you can help me overcome this condition and be able to lead a normal sexually straight life.


Saaqib Mahmood


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