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The Your Stories section is all about you! Please take a minute to tell visitors of the ILGA website about what LGBTI life is like in reality. Please submit your personal story and share your experience!

YOUR STORIES
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Readers Experiences

This is what people are saying about life for LGBTI people in PAKISTAN...
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Sagar (user currently living in ROMANIA) posted for gay lesbian bisexual straight readers on 16/06/2014 +5
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 Birth
I was born in Pakistan at in a small village.
I was born as normal girl with normal weight physically and healthy as my mother told me. I was very healthy fit and fat by birth. Than my family gave me a very beautiful name i.e. Aisha Sohail. When i grew up than my mother sent me in a school to learn basic things.
 Primary School
Many years ago there were only two specific schools in my village. One school was for girls and one for boys. Because in my culture we have two specific schools for specific sex. Girls go in a school of girls where female teachers teach girls. Boys go in boy school where male teachers teach boy.
As I was born as girl so my mother sent me to school for girls. The name of my school was Government Girls High School (G.G.H.S.K).
I was just 3 years old at that time when I started my first initial school. I was enjoying my childhood and was learning many new things with a lot of enjoyment.
I was reaching to higher class 1, 2, 3…. with passage of time. I was very glad when I got first position in whole school with very high score in class 5. I was just 9 year old at that time. My family was very delightful with my achievement.
 First Diagnose
At age of 9 year old i just feel little bit pain in my abdominal cavity. I told to my mother about this pain. But my mother just thought that maybe I eat some non hygienic food from outside. So mother was just relaxed and thought ok no matter.
But my pain was increasing day by day than my family took me to a doctor in my village. Doctor just saw and wrote some pain killer. Tablets made me relief for time being but not permanently.
One day pain was too much family was worry. Than my family decided to take me to a specialist doctor in kharian cant (Naseeb Shahid Hospital). Doctor checked me and scan my whole body and then doctor told that something is wrong. That is I am going to be a Boy for the rest of life. It was very interesting and amazing for me and for my family.
Than doctor told that don’t worry some times it’s happen. In fact it’s a kind of disease name is Ambiguous genitalia. An ambiguous genitalia is a birth defect where the outer genitals do not have the typical appearance of either a boy or a girl.
And on other family was wonder and amazed that after 10 years there girl is going to be a Son boy. As doctor told that diagnose is positive and need a treatment for the rest of life. From their my treatment began after first met with doctors. Doctor tried to understand me a lot of things but i was just not to understand all those things so. Doctor just did what medical should do at that time.


 First operation
I don’t know enough about medical but as I remember and doctor told me things that will occur with passage of time. It was a kind of disease with me in front of doctor but for me it was just end of life for that I knew with passage of time.
Doctor told me that I need an operation and a whole treatment for this disease. As roughly I remember they told me that I have a lot of chances of boy then a girl. Because operation was compulsory for to be a normal boy.
When they scan on me they noticed that I don’t have female Brest, ovary (More detail is in medical reports).
 My second life as Boy
“I was very happy my abdominal pain gone away from me but at that time I did not knew at that time what future is bringing a bundle of pain or a bundle of bright future and that will be with me whole life.”
One side me and my family was happy that diagnose is going to be treat. And now they have a son boy in family but……. “Who know what will happen with this boy tomorrow? ”
But at last after operation doctor said that now diagnose is going to be treat and we hope that one day this will be fully treat as normal. Now at least look like a boy and then they gave me boy name. My name was change from to a girl name to a boy name.

 Facts about in my Social Community
In my social community in my social cultural community” Boy has 10 times more respect and status than girl”. But not boy become like me because this statement was inverse on me. Diseased boy like me has 20 times down status. People look on boy like me with very poor dirt eye.
I was very happy my father, mother and brother we all was very happy but what about outside my home is they also very happy….? Is any outside will also take part in my happy life….? All questions like this answer is simple but complex and that is NO WAY.
Just imagine if a girl spend her life’s 10 year as girl and live with girls community and after 10 years suddenly she become a boy than is it not shock….? Off course yes .
“People notice what happened? How happened? Why happened? How a girl become a boy? Is He really a boy?
Boy like me can we make some fun with them? Can we use them illegally ?”
A lot of bull shit thinks people think about this kind of disease if we just imagine than we can just get all answers.



 My values in my social community
As we know that my diagnose is simple to understand for doctors, for me, for my family and for educated people but not for all illiterate and shity people.
In my family some far away relative knew very well to my family. If big interesting thing happen than we cannot hide this from them . It becomes a news headline in a community .
So a bundle of questions was ready………
10 years old girl converted to a boy after 10 years of birth as normal girl…… how?
She was not a girl or she was not a boy….. what was she or he?
Is he a boy now or not……?
Is he a boy now or some other kind of sex in a community…..?
Is he a girl now or shemale…..?
That was all question that I was answering to community that who am i….? and of course I also need to proof myself.
“But nature never change” if people is dirty or may be they do not want to accept me as reality than what I can do because it’s not 2, 3 or 4 people that know , it’s a lot a people who know boy like me. So I have no plan for this to change the mind of people or their think.
 Welcome in Boy life
All above stated questions I face from my early stage I was just 11,12 years old at that time I was not very old. People tease on me with a lot dirty threats I just amile and think that people are crazy why they ask such stupid questions.
But with passage of time I started to accept my reality and identity and I felt so sorrow on that and people`s thinks.
Socially and as well as politically community and people started to criticize, disparage and disapprove of to me in many ways. Because naturally when we become adult then we can see the different between good and bad. In childhood we cannot differentiate between right and wrong. When we grow up and going for to be adult then we can see our real value in a society or a community but unlucky everything was inverse on myself.
I cannot write my whole past life days one by one but in short I can just express my happenings feelings.
School
To go in school that was very big and complex challenged for me. every student in my school and every body in school tease on myself and talk on me very badly in fact I was become a psycho. Everybody gave me different dirty names and every day they call me from a new name.
Psychologically I was accepting the reality and asked the question to myself is it true what they said? Then I went every time to my doctor that what new issue I am facing. Because I knew that my doctor know everything about me he is trying to me to make me a normal .


But in fact doctor was also worried about my issues he just gave a strong hope that my boy be happy everything will be ok. But what else he can answers on my issue of course nothing else.
Doctor knew that he can just treat my diagnose my problem but doctor cannot change the minds of society the minds of community or thoughts of community or society that doctor cannot change.
Extra curricular
In extracurricular activities (Games cricket, cricket, football etc) some time I also wanted to play games cricket, football but question is who mean who is going to play? Of course I am but still my reality and identity is waiting to dirty my nature.
People eye just that I have different kind of sex not male not female. So people was just used to say only shit things that play other games with other kind of sex as this reply I heard always. Infact they give me a option that play other type of game with other kind of sex.
But how long I will be alone my mind reply just maybe forever? Will I be alone forever? I fear from people talk on myself in dirty manners.
People mind nobody can change it was a kind trend or mind or view of society I don’t know what was that.
Participations in ceremonies
Participations in ceremonies on different occasions was a straight attack on my dreams. Some I wanted to go on a ceremony to enjoy the happiness of other to participate in others time but when I saw on cultural then I just think that shit will be come on my face. Because I cannot hide my face not hide my identity these things just make me down to think.
My Personal life
If you have your values in life and have a real personality that you can enjoy the real life funs but in my case I have not enough dirty words that what was my personality from which society knows me.
If we see on all aspects than I also have spent my childhood. Although I have spent my childhood as a girl. In reality my personal life was completely in hell.
First friends were girls so they of course knew me by my name and data. And after sex change the girls they just think on me that I am middle sex man. So they just ignore me at some point they want to me that I should live their society.
Play with dolls in childhood was great fun but suddenly everything changed and I just change myself to fit myself in society but unlucky no chance .
Sometimes people just talk on me that why I have clothes of boys? Why I am hiding my really personality in the clothes of boy? And I reply them that because I am a boy and they just make a fun and give a name to me tha I am a half man like half boy half girl.
 My identity and history was my pain
My identity and my past was big pain in myself. And this pain even I cannot express to any other. When ever I talked to any girl from my childhood she just make fun of me and girl think that she should not even talk to boy like me.
Whenever I went to an educational institutions in homeland so problem was papers it was stated on papers sex change so first impression stated on me was that a different kind of sex is going to be study.
Date of birth was stated on every paper and from this everybody knows my history and my past and stand like a big challenge for me. So they just ignore to me existence in community.
Life was going on and day was coming and going things were happening. But my future dreams was just dream not going to be real.
Many time I just felt so down at home I was just use to watch Tv, internet but whenever I saw on media a lot reports on prostitutes, she male attack ,male prostitutes homosexual etc so I just feared from society that although I have some kind of disease with me but I just fear to go outside.
Homosexual, she male, male prostitutes that all exists in society. Nobody can change others minds,thoughts and trends. She male group also exists in society who just try to find the people like them. They just search people like them and try to force and encourage them that live life like them. I fear from all these when I see on media.
Reality that i faced

In simple words if i express about reality and truth that i faced in my life. then i can easily say that i face two different realities of a social society in two different culture.

One reality was a group of homogenous people whose main aim was just to encourage and force me and just to see me with an eye that to join the bad society of protitues for male.
In any way they were not going to leave me on my on life at the way that i want i should have my on self respect.so my heart was not going in any way to accept the shit of homogeneous group.

Second reality was my parents who can just clearly feel my heart pain. Every parents wish that their children become a good and successful citizen. Every parents want their children bright future. same nature my parents had.

So parents can understood me in better way that their son has his on future aims. Their son also want to make his birght future insted of to accept a name of prostitution in society.

So parents just said to me that " Son if you really want to make your dreams true in your own way than just go out far away from this community and society". Forget this society,culture,community and your past and think about your bright way.

" just imagin if one wrong thing happened one day than at next day you cannot fix that thing to fix the wrong one life always goes on".

Society has known you and next you can not change them. So i just decieded to go out from their and i was happy that my future is going to bright and oneday i will get off rid from this shity society. So i was very good in computer field i just decieded to be in field in future in computer.

Conclusion

Life's ups and downs that i cannot express in words some beautiful and great time that i would like to express.

In my point of view My past 10 years life was equal to 100 years of pain in life but my 3 years of life in europe was equal to 30 years of sucessful life with a specific self respect in my own views.


" Nobody tease on me that hej boy wear your on clothes of girl or play with your own kind of sex."
Although at some point i felt down and i was miss out from collage because problem was at some point i got some stress and some depression due to my disease and i did not want to tell in my collage that i have some problem in my life.

But on other hand i was really happy with my life i got the actual rights of a human like i treated human. I got job here was my first independent life. I proved my self as a self man with my own respect without any shity and bad society.

I took part in activties in collage in society i played a lot football. i meet with girls chit chat and boys and also participate in their life activties like a human.

In simple words i took my first independent breath with my rights as a human in Denmark with a self respect.

At Last

I treid my best to express my history as much i have skills in english. But some things and words like F i dont want to write here for a respect as i now have here.

But i hope that my words will be not take in bad manners. At last i will just say that i still has problem disease although i have tried love with a girl in fact at some point i admit that i need to be treat for my normal life. So we can understand the point of view that what i girl want i cannot give to her ( refer to mediacl Reports) . I believe that every disease can be treat and oneday my disease will alos be treat and i will spend my normal life with my own right as to be a Human.

Thanks Have a nice day.
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gul (user currently living in OMAN) posted for bisexual readers on 25/05/2014 tagged with illegality of male to male relationships +5
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i am man from pakistan 50 yars old i have lot of problem in my country because if like to friend with gay i was ordered to death when i found by my village claracks i m running for life from long time cannot go to home country now i am in oman temprorey can you help and give me some place in the earth to live free pls,
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lgbt Pakistan (user currently living in PAKISTAN) posted for gay lesbian transgender bisexual intersex straight readers in response to this story on 28/08/2013
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LGBT PAKISTAN

wanted LGBT activist , Inserted Person contact : lgbt.pk@gmail.com
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(user currently living in PAKISTAN) posted for gay lesbian transgender bisexual intersex straight readers on 28/08/2013 +4
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There is introduction in the world that pakistan is pure islamic country, few days ago american embassy manage a program GLBT rights, in this us embassy programe reactoin whole over the pakistan public contest the protest on the roads, in f...ront of us embassy etc, The protestor were saying that its against the preaches of islam , its against our culture, we reject this amecican culture etc, stop these actvities in holy pakistan etc. being a pakistani ,



i am saying that near about 40 percent public of pakistan is gay , lesbian , homosexual, hetrosexual , bisexual , transgender etc, In punjab come to Deraghazi khan , Taunsa sharif , MUZAFAR GARH , MULTAN , DERA ISMAIL KHAN , MIAN WALI , BHAKAR , JHANG , LAHORE , RAJAN PUR ETC IN balochistan RAKHNI , BARKHAN , LORA LAI, TRIBAL AREA ETC IN SINDH , WHOLE ENTERIER SINDH , SKHAR , LARKANA , KANDHKOT , KARACHI ETC IN KPK , PESHAWER AND OTHER DIFRENT CITIES OF KPK ,



come and see what is hapning, IN these cities i have seen that people are homasexual , bisexual , and transgendr



1# There are many people who have boyfriends , to whom they give motor cycle , clothes , shoes and money to walk and spend the time for their hapiness, people are in competion with each other that whose boyfriend is beautiful, they showes their boyfriend in public place , hotles, cultural shows and other programe ,



2# our local poet and singers are very famous due to sing the poetry relted with same sex,



3# people enjoy when a singer will sing about same sex poetry , there will be much crowed of people in these function,



4# drivers of bus , truck , van , and public transport have a boy who is known as cleaner , parhaps the boy is his boyfriend and he use him for his homosexuality nature,



5# There is fashion to have a beautiful boyfriend,



6# If you will visit at night time at bus stand , railway station , and parks , there wil be many people searching the boys for sexual relation,



7# you can emagine through internt servay that the websight containning sex meterial are opend in PAKISTAN from whole the world , PAKISTAN is no# 1 to open the sex meterial websight.



8# there are many cases daily that raped a boy in etc city,



9# IN these cities many young boys who wear ladies clothes and searching a man for fucking , they went in cultural program and dance , people of pakistan , muslims be happy and shower money at them, you can see them on road side railway station , bus stand searching for homosexual.



10# IS this not hapening in pakistan ? Now turning point when a case will hapen of same sexuality etc the whole comunity will stand and wil protest against the issu , they will kill the issuing person, burn his house etc in protest or killing or burning his house the persons will be in front , will leading the protest , who last night were searching a boy , same sex for fucking or sexual relation.



They say that this is against the preaching of islam , against our culture , American embassy manage a programe against islam against our culture its american culture.



They are blind that what is hapening in our cities , they dont know the culture of their borned cities , or only against america , they have goggles at their face such goggle that mention them that last night they have sex with boy and today he have sex with boy, last night they have not act against islam, today he has act against preaches of islam, so he shold be burned or killed. they will burn or kill him who have sex last night with a boy.



so its my observation as being a pakistani , being a part of this comunity that



11# There is nobody muslim in pakistan and everybody is a big muslim in pakistan

I do not know writing after this i will be alive or dead , through religiuos extrimists ( our comunity) , or or..................,i will prove it and much more, if i will secure i will provide my data



https://www.facebook.com/pages/LGBT-Pakistan
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abc (user currently living in PAKISTAN) posted for gay lesbian transgender bisexual intersex straight readers in response to this story on 26/08/2013 tagged with illegality of male to male relationships +9
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i am a gay and i think pakistni govt should make a law for gay, lesbian marriage
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March (user currently living in PAKISTAN) posted for gay bisexual readers on 05/07/2013 tagged with human rights, religion, illegality of male to male relationships +25
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Hello readers.
Well my name is March (as I don't want to expose it here). The story goes like this that I'm a good looking young guy. Who is really creative and innovative by thoughts. Who really wants to go abroad and prove himself in any field of life. But unfortunately life has been too tough on me. I'd been in lahore for like 8 months and I through a gay networking website, met ample people and dated them. Yet I finally concluded after my experiences that lahore has completely transformed into an HUB OF GAYS. Guys have now started to cross dress and they call each other BAJI (SISTER). I mean what the hell is going on! Well if this is a bitter truth then why we are not ready to accept it? It must be accepted by hook or by crook. Now the problem is that my family got to know by some means that I'm gay too. But I'm not completely gay I'm a bisexual. Im in a relationship with a female. But I enjoy being with guys too. My family wants me to quit all this creep. But I want to quit my family. But as a student I'm not financially sound to be on my own. I've completed my graduation, but I guess there are no much jobs unless you have masters in some program. I feel myself so lonely. I want to quit everything and want to fly abroad. I want someone to help me...
Somebody who can save me... :(
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Ali (user currently living in PAKISTAN) posted for gay lesbian transgender bisexual intersex readers in response to this story on 06/06/2013 +9
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Where are u from ?
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shakil (user currently living in PAKISTAN) posted for gay bisexual readers on 30/05/2013 +25
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Hi, I am Shakil, 27 years old, but i still could not shared with what i am what i want because i belong to muslim family and i know i am Muslim, belong to country where its not allowed to man can Love man.. But here in Pakistan gays are just used for sex needs..

But i feel i don't know why i do love man. i want to live my life i have right to live because i feel what i want.
how i am writhing nobody knows so why i follow them.???
i want to break all the rule just i need a life partner.

I love and like guys who are elder than me, who like old things, old music, old but good ideas. I don't believe in figure and dicks or such type of things, i just like who loves me and cares me whoever is he.

if you have seen Syed's and Chris (Gay) Love Story same like that i need boyfriend or Lover, well he is not financially well but i will compromise and try to fulfill my and his needs.
i have downloaded Movie Beautiful Thing which is gay movie but still i could not have watched, well its story is about two boys who are disappointed from their lives but when they meet together they change their lives....
so i am waiting for an angel who comes and change my life forever.

I am Social Worker, working with Non Governmental Organization NGO, i love to work for Child Protection so i am working with Child Protection NGO as Project Coordinator. WE have established two Functional Literacy and Life Skills Centers for Child Labor where 200 hundred workers 07 to 13 years old are being facilitated... even i am sick of our Chairman but still for children i work.. before working here i had worked with International Rescue Committee IRC as Protection Officer since 08 December 2010 to 31 December 2011, and my previous experience is working with Save the Children as Community Mobilizer..

If you will understand this Poem you will realized how i am suffering and what i feel...

If My Suffering Found a Tongue

My suffering is a song unsung
My soul a speck without a seal

If my surfing found a tongue
My name and sign it would reveal

If of my soul I found the sign
I would perceive the world’s design

If this secret were in my reach
My silence would acquire speech

Sway over all created things
And the empire of both worlds be mine
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(user currently living in PAKISTAN) posted for gay lesbian transgender bisexual intersex straight readers in response to this story on 08/01/2013 +24
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to all LGBT friends plz contact me as i will help you out.
regards,

seema khan
karachi
seemakhan1978@hotmail.com
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Pakistan (user currently living in PAKISTAN) posted for bisexual readers on 06/12/2012 +20
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Hi My name is Sam and i live in Karachi, Pakistan. I am currently living my life hiding from extremist people who have attacked me in the past and now i fear my life, can anyone help me seek asylum aboard from a life that i live as a persecuted individual ... my contact info is mobile no. +92 03362196039 and my facebook profile link is https://www.facebook.com/gaykhan12?ref=tn_tnmn ... do contact me help me please :(
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Syed Ali Murad (user currently living in PAKISTAN) posted for bisexual readers on 05/11/2012 +25
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I am 18 years old.And i Lives in Pakistan.I am Bisexual.There is no rights for us in Pakistan.I want a job in Europe,specially in Spain,in any gay sex network companny.Plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz HELP ME.And sorry for my Bad English because i know only Urdu language.0331-5878214 contac with me and give me a job plzzzzzzz.On Face Book my ID is sillentkiller007@hotmail.com.And if you call me between 11am t0 1pm(At Pakistan Time).And plzzzzzzzzzz Dont inform to my parents that i like gay sex because they are Muslims.
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shah (user currently living in PAKISTAN) posted for gay lesbian transgender bisexual readers on 16/07/2012 +30
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hi..how are you.iam a gay from pakistan age 22..at the age of 16 i know that iam a gay.i did,nt tell anyone about that iam gay.because it very hard in pakistan that people accept any one as gay.and could case life prision or death if any body know about you .and its hard to find any relationship.i live as single and its too hard for me live in pakistan as gay.please any one give me response hos i managed my self as gay. my email idd is handsum_boy20@yahoo.com
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make history (user currently living in PAKISTAN) posted for gay lesbian transgender bisexual intersex straight readers on 27/09/2011 +10
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hello , i am bisexual from pakistan , i want to work for LGBT rights in pakistan , plz support
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awais (user currently living in PAKISTAN) posted for gay transgender bisexual readers on 15/09/2010 +15
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i am awais 21 years old from lahore,i wanna have a gay friend but due to moral restictions i can,t expose myself so help me to find a loving friend in lahore,,,my Email ID is awais.shah59@yahoo.com
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