I am not sure from where to start.........i was a Yong kid when i was molested by my adult male cousins and neighbors and i was unable to tell any one of my family.....but at the end had attraction towards men..
i grew up went to higher school...boys from senior classes and molested me.....
Came to know about my sexuality in start of my graduation.. this was the time i felt myself cursed and guilty....
i always heard from my friends that gay guys are the most disgusting creature in this universe and i was not able to tell about myself ever....this was killing me every second... then i heard its completely forbidden in Islam and this made my situation worst.........
I know i am honest and can't pretend....lie to others and pretending some thing "Which i am NOT" was like agony i was IN....
i spent in this situation 10years of my life, dieing every min..... tried to commit suicide being sick of guilty, shame, embarrassment and FEAR....
infact couldn't hide and caught by my friends and family.....my elder sister hated me and accused me like any thing....my younger brother has been abusing me in front of his friends and my friends like SLUT< GANDO, MAN's BITCH............i stopped going out and seeing people in family and friends, lockup myself in my room for months.......
Went to England and had time of my life.......but my parents forced me to get married, i tired my hard but couldn't resist, because i love my parents....i decided never to come back...but younger brother was bully to my parents like he was always to me.....i decided to come back to Pakistan.....sacrificed myself to protect my parents from HIM, got my wife...no escape........
New era of pain starts....... i was back from England..got courage to express my real soul......got notorious and name of filthy shit because i was gay.... my brilliant academic career, hardwork, honesty, kindness, intelligence was nothing to them... i started feeling alienated and made myself alone...
at home wife made my life hell along with my guilt of being not honest to her, being pretentious was killing me every moment....my family, parents, friends (even they knew that i was gay, ad i can't help it), relatives declared me a cruel, mean and selfless person and sentenced me punishment of being alone........ tried to commit suicide again (survived).....i always wish i could be straight and living a happy life like all others with wives and kids.... i was completely shattered.....
Then a friend came to my life.... a fresh breeze..........he gave me courage to live and support in all my bad times......and suggest me to move out of this country.
Got opportunity to come to Australia for few months....and here i am having MY LIFE...but after few months when it will finish......don't know what would happen....
I know i am from Pakistan......but i don't belong to that country and people in there...i have got very good job, a big house from my father there but ......I just love my parents and youngest sisters......along with 2 friends....they are only assets i have got now......
(i HAVE HIDED MY IDENTITY HERE, BECAUSE FEAR OF BEING DISGRACED AND HUMILIATED IS STILL THERE) any decent person can contact me at fita.zair@yahoo.com