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The Your Stories section is all about you! Please take a minute to tell visitors of the ILGA website about what LGBTI life is like in reality. Please submit your personal story and share your experience!

YOUR STORIES
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Readers Experiences

This is what people are saying about life for LGBTI people in KENYA...
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(user currently living in KENYA) posted for gay lesbian transgender bisexual intersex readers on 15/08/2014
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My name is Marlyne,28yrs old lives and work in Kenya in its capital City Nairobi.Am an a business woman and also an entrepreneur.well to many here in Kenya Lgbt is widely known as many are coming out slowly and realizing it is who they are and even though as a Nation there has been a debate in the Parliament to stone to death all Lgbt who are seen or known and to many it has been a threat.it has been difficult to even go to events as recently in a pub many lesbian and gays were arrested for no apparent reason,for this very reason it has become somehow difficult to even hang out in pubs and bars with another woman or a group of women as you are suspected to be lesbians or gays or transgender to fear of being arrested and being realized on huge amount of cash bails or even mishandled in those cells.
To all the intesex,Bisexual,Gays,Lesbians be a voice to the voiceless,be your brothers keeper,be your sisters eye,stay safe,love one another,support the family of ILGA and live together in peace and harmony.Strength is unity.We are human beings just like any other,its not a crime,its not a sin
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A short documentary about gay Ugandan refugees in The Netherlands, who fled their home country due to anti gay laws in Uganda. I hereby send you the link of the video on Vimeo.

http://vimeo.com/98122540
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outinkenya (user currently living in KENYA) posted for gay lesbian readers in response to this story on 05/10/2012 tagged with sexual orientation
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Hi,
Actually, it is possible to adopt a child in Kenya even if you are lesbian or gay.
OUTINKENYA
JOIN US ON FACEBOOK
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Rena (user currently living in KENYA) posted for gay lesbian transgender bisexual intersex straight readers on 18/06/2012
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Sharing of same sex domestic violence do not keep quiet speak out when you are going through any form of domestic violence. From Kisumu Kenya
Domestic abuse occurs in approximately 30 to 40% of GLBT relationships, which is the same percentage of violence that occurs in straight relationships. It is a myth that same-sex couples don't batter each other, or if they do; they are just "fighting" or it is "mutual abuse".

Domestic abuse is always about power and control. One partner intentionally gains more and more power over his/ her partner. Tactics can include physical, emotional or verbal abuse, isolation, threats, intimidation, minimizing, denying, blaming, coercion, financial abuse, or using children or pets to control your behavior.

Domestic violence runs in a cycle. Typically, things are wonderful at the beginning of the relationship. Gradually, tension starts to build. Finally, an act of violence occurs. This may be verbal or physical. The victim is shocked. The relationship then moves into the "honeymoon" phase. The abuser is remorseful and attentive, and the victim wants to believe the abuse was an isolated incident. Again, the tension gradually builds until another violent act occurs. The longer the cycle goes on, the closer together the acts of violence happen.
My friends have had Many fights like in many other relationship. I'm a afraid for her life many times the girlfriend keeps saying how she will one day cut her throat.
Please please my beloved LGBTIQ remember your life is more important do not let anyone take it away for the sake of "love" here are forms of domestic violence look out for any sign of violence and fight it out of your life. spread love :
"Red Flags" Of A Battering Personality:

If you are uncertain whether your partner is abusive or if you want to be able to tell at the beginning of the relationship if the other person has the potential to become abusive, there are behaviors you can look for, including the following:

1. JEALOUSY: An abuser will always say that jealousy is a sign of love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love; it's a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust. In a healthy relationship, the partners trust each other unless one of them has legitimately done something to break that trust.

2. CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR: At first, the batterer will say this behavior is because they are concerned for your safety, a need for you to use time well or to make good decisions. Abusers will be angry if you are "late" coming back from the store or an appointment; you will be questioned closely about where you went, who you talked to. At this behavior gets worse, the abuser may not let you make personal decisions about the house, your clothing, or going to church. They may keep all the money; or may make you ask permission to leave the house or room.

3. QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Many domestic violence victims only knew their abuser for a few months before they were living together. The abuser may come on like a whirlwind, claiming "you're the only person I could ever talk to" and "I've never felt loved like this by anyone". Abusers are generally very charming at the beginning of the relationship. You will be pressured to commit in such a way that later you may feel very guilty if you want to slow down involvement or break up. If you are newly out, be careful; abusers often target those they know are new to the GLBT community because it is a time when you are vulnerable and may not know very many people in the community.

4. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Abusive people will expect their partner to meet all their needs: the perfect partner, lover, and friend. They say things like "if you love me, I'm all you need and you're all I need". You are supposed to take care of everything for them; emotionally, physically, and sometimes economically.

5. ISOLATION: The abusive person tries to cut the partner off from all resources. If you have same-sex friends, you are a "whore", a "slut" or "cheating". If you are close to family, you're "tied to the apron strings". The abuser will accuses people who are supportive of causing trouble, and may restrict use of the phone. They will gradually isolate you from all of your friends. They may not let you use a car (or have one that is reliable), and may try to keep you from working or going to school. Some abusers will try to get you into legal trouble so that you are afraid to drive or go out.

6. BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS: If your partner is chronically unemployed, someone is always doing them wrong or is out to get them. They may make mistakes and then blame you for upsetting them so that they can't concentrate on their work. They will tell you that you are at fault for almost anything that goes wrong.

7. BLAMES OTHERS FOR FEELINGS:Abusive people will tell you, "you made me mad" and "I can't help being angry". Although they actually makes the decision about how they think or feel, they will use feelings to manipulate you. Abusers see themselves as the "victim" in the relationship, and do not take responsibility for their own feelings or behaviors.

8. HYPERSENSITIVITY: Abusers are easily insulted, and may take the slightest setback as a personal attack. They will rant and rave about the injustice of things that are really just a part of living, such as having to get up for work, getting a traffic ticket, or being asked to help with chores.

9. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN:This is a person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain. They may expect children to be capable of things beyond their ability. They may tease children and younger brothers and sisters until they cry. They may be very critical of other people's children or any children you bring into the relationship. Your partner may threaten to prevent you from seeing children you have no biological rights to, or punish children to get even with you. About 60% of people who beat their partner also beat their children.

10. "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE IN SEX: This kind of person may like to act out fantasies where the partner is helpless. They let you know that the idea of rape is exciting. They may show little concern about whether you wants to have sex, and use sulking or anger to manipulate you. They may start having sex with you while you are sleeping, or demand sex when you are ill or tired. They may want to "make up" by having sex after they have just been physically or verbally abusive to you.

11. VERBAL ABUSE: In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel, this can be seen when the abuser degrades or curses you, belittling any of your accomplishments. They may say accuse you of not being a "real" lesbian or gay man. If you aren't out, they may threaten to out you to family members or your employer. The abuser will tell you that you are stupid and unable to function without them. They may wake you up to verbally abuse you, or not let you go to sleep.

12. RIGID SEX ROLES: Abusers expect the partner to play the "female" role; to serve them, and insists that you obey them in all things. The abuser sees you as unintelligent, inferior, responsible for menial tasks, and less than whole without the relationship. They will often tell you that no one else would want you or that you are nothing without them. They will remind you of everything they have done for you.

13. DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE: Many victims are confused by their abuser's sudden changes in mood, and may think it indicates a special mental problem. Abusers may be nice one minute, and explode the next. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of people who beat their partners. Many victims feel if their partner would just quit drinking or using drugs, the violence would stop. This is usually not the case. Abusive people continue the abuse, even after they stop using alcohol or drugs, unless they also seek help for their abusive behavior.

14. PAST BATTERING: These people say they have hit a partner in the past, but the previous partner made them do it. You may hear from relatives or ex partners that the person has been abusive. A batterer will beat any person they are with if they are with that person long enough for violence to begin; situational circumstances do not make a person an abusive personality.

15. THREATS OF VIOLENCE: This could include any threat of physical force meant to control you: "I'll slap your mouth off", "I'll kill you", "I'll break your neck". Most people do not threaten their mates, but a batterer will say "everyone talks like that", or "it didn't mean anything".

16. BREAKING OR STRIKING OBJECTS: This behavior is used as a punishment (breaking loved possessions), but is used mostly to terrorize you into submission. The abuser may beat on the table with their fist or throw objects around. This is not only a sign of extreme emotional immaturity, but indicates great danger when someone thinks they have the "right" to punish or frighten their partner.

17. ANY FORCE DURING AN ARGUMENT: A batterer may hold you down, restrain you from leaving the room, push you, or shove you. They may pin you to the wall, saying, "You're going to listen to me!

The worst is that when you are LGBTIQ it is hard to share what you are going through for how can you tell your friends and folks when they do not even know that you are LGBTIQ when you report to the police they tell you " we have seen a lot of friends fighting over men" thus not even giving you a chance to say what you need to say. Also even when my friend called the police they did not even bother coming to her aid even though she referred to her previous attack which she had reported...
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Nancy (user currently living in KENYA) posted for lesbian readers on 15/04/2012 tagged with illegality of female to female relationships +5
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Life of a Kenyan Lesbian

In kenya sex is a social taboo topic to speak about. The community is so christian and makes it hard to adress the day to day lie of lesbians.
Sexual acts between two women is illegal and is penishable under Section 162 of the penal code states that “any person who has canal knowledge of another person against the order of nature is guilty of a felony and is liable to imprisonment for fourteen years� Any person – includes both male and female.
How ever if an elderly woman can not have children she is allowed under the customary law of kenya to marry other young women for thee purpose of having children. No sexual intercoures is involved
Lesbians can not join the amy forces and they can not get married or adopt children.
In Kenya many lesbians hide from the public and the few bold ones like sylvia, pouline, faith, yvonne,jounior,akinyi, kathrine, maryanne anome others are harrased by the public, police, family. Some are extorted money, detained, beaten,jailed with but the charges are altered.
Its a hard life of a kenyan lesbian.
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adera (user currently living in KENYA) posted for lesbian bisexual readers on 17/03/2012 +12
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i fell in love with my cousin when i was younger i know it is wrong but she was my first.. my first real kiss, my first real ecstasy and release was experienced in her arms.. i loved her for many years, then the inevitable occurred we were caught in the act and from then on i had to play the role of a straight woman. but, i still dream of her, she is my release in my dreams.. i have not seen her in years and i know we can never be, but she introduced me to my sexuality.. sex has never been that amazing ever.. i am very attracted to women but i compress that side of me.i doubt myself and convince myself that i am straight.. "it was only a faze" but, when i am drunk.. my inner desires come out and all i want is the warm embrace of a woman, the scent of a woman..to caress a woman's breasts and to explore what makes her a woman.. to take her to that place where there is no inhibition, you know that place that seems like heaven on earth.. i want to fall in love with a woman, take care of her and grow old with her.. my inner most desires are to be loved by this woman.. i just wish i could find this woman.. because it is so hard to meet women in Kenya.. or maybe its just me. i don't know.. i am not getting younger but i hope.. someday soon i will meet her.
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jane doe (user currently living in KENYA) posted for lesbian readers on 14/11/2011 +10
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i am 22 years old and i first discovered that i was ay when i was in high school...i never did anything about because of the fear and stigmatisation that was attached to it.after high school i still kept my sexuality on the low as i was afraid of judgement and the wrath of epecially my family.i come from a very deep set religious background and my mum especially believes in curses and whenever i do something wrong she threatens me with a curse.so the option of me coming out to them is not really an option as i dont want to be disowned.
i tried dating guys and to be honest fell in love with one to the point that i thought maybe my gay feelings were just a passing phase.but my then boyfriend mistreated my heart so bad that after giving him more than three chances of him cheating on me i had to let him go.
not later after,my dad was having trouble with my mum and he found a friend in me to listen to.i would give him a listening ear and he would tell me everything to the deepest of things between him and my mum.i never knew he was in the process,falling in love with me untill one day in the middle of the night when he called me and confessed.i felt so guilty asking myself what i could have done to have made him feel so.i blamed myself for having lead him on by being so close and kind to him.i got so scared.i mean thats my father.was i going to be another statistic of incest?so i told him i didnt feel the same and that maybe if he doesnt love my mum anymore he should look for a good girl and it will be our little secret...just as long as he got me out of his mind as a lover.for heavens sake am his daughter.
after that episode i lost so much trust in men that i was single for the longest time till i met a girl...we went out for sometime like around eight months untill i met another girl who i fell in love with right from the start.
but there was a problem.she had a fiance...a man..i was okay with it at the beginnong and we decided that we were just having fun but things got serious along the way.she fell in love with me and i suggested we commit ourselves to each other and she agreed.to cut the long story short she went on ahead to marry her fiance though she fell out of love with him.
now they fight everyday and i fully know why and so does she but she cant get out of her marriage because she is scared of her family and friends and colleagues.she is scared what they might do to her if they found out.she is still fully in love with me and she begs me never to leave her.i also dont wanna lose her but i also cant stand sharing her epecially with a man that she hates.they dont even have sex.
she says that if she got a job and i a university in another country where we cant be judged,she can feel free to hold my hand,kiss me,hold me and just love me then she would go without thinking twice.
so now here we are,two lovers,the source of each others hapiness,separated by a judgemental society.
i dont know if we will ever be together.i cry myself to sleep every night when i imagine what she has to go through when he demands for sex and she has to fulfill his conjugal rights.one thing i know she does after that is she pukes her guts out.and it pains me knowing there is nothing i can do about it except wait till the day she decides to be happy......with me.
and if you are a visitor in this country...make sure that you dont do any gay acts in front of a maasai especially.i had a run in once with a colleague and he and his girlfriend beat me up because they were told am gay.i wasnt even with a gal that night but just the thought of it drove him crazy.
thing is..maasais are just not in kangas and lesos. there are also learned maasais out there who dress formally.but a maasai is maasai at the end of the day.
so basically in Kenya...you cant go around saying you are gay.but you can live peacefully and happily with your patner if you are stable and if you are secretive about it in public.
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GMAK-KENYA (user currently living in KENYA) posted for gay lesbian transgender bisexual intersex straight readers on 28/01/2010 tagged with human rights +5
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The Gay Movement Alliance of Kenya is a new organization that is coming up with a view to empower the LGBTQ socially, economically and healthwise, the organization welcomes all the support other groups can offer and in partnership, we hope we can strengthen our soviety for a better future
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