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The Your Stories section is all about you! Please take a minute to tell visitors of the ILGA website about what LGBTI life is like in reality. Please submit your personal story and share your experience!

YOUR STORIES
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Readers Experiences

This is what people are saying about life for LGBTI people in KENYA...
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A short documentary about gay Ugandan refugees in The Netherlands, who fled their home country due to anti gay laws in Uganda. I hereby send you the link of the video on Vimeo.

http://vimeo.com/98122540
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Herbee (user currently living in UGANDA) posted for bisexual readers in response to this story on 23/07/2013 +0
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Its me herbee again I would love to attend this conference next year in kenya since its nearby
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Herbee (user currently living in UGANDA) posted for bisexual readers on 23/07/2013 +0
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I've hidden myself for 20 years in order to "fit" in society though I'm still in hiding I think
It all began when I joined secondary school when I realized that I had an attraction to a fellow student and he too was indeed attracted to we would spend lots of time together that other students started saying lots of stuff about us which led us to stop seeing each other more often but the real event that puts off completely was expulsion of the then school head prefect from school on charges of homosexuality we were all close friends so for the next 3 years it was hell for us we would meet only during holidays which went on till finished 'O' levels.
When we came back for A levels there was some freedom since here we had our own rooms but that was short-lived another student was expelled for the same reason by the way this was an all boys school later when we finished the A levels we lost contact since technology those days wasn't as it is now but we established contact when we joined university much as they were different geographical locations so somehow our relationship was strained that after he married and he has a daughter I also got a partner since there were demands from my family but it didn't last we separated I really didn't love this lady we had 4 kids together so I now live alone
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Rena (user currently living in KENYA) posted for gay lesbian transgender bisexual intersex straight readers on 18/06/2012
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Sharing of same sex domestic violence do not keep quiet speak out when you are going through any form of domestic violence. From Kisumu Kenya
Domestic abuse occurs in approximately 30 to 40% of GLBT relationships, which is the same percentage of violence that occurs in straight relationships. It is a myth that same-sex couples don't batter each other, or if they do; they are just "fighting" or it is "mutual abuse".

Domestic abuse is always about power and control. One partner intentionally gains more and more power over his/ her partner. Tactics can include physical, emotional or verbal abuse, isolation, threats, intimidation, minimizing, denying, blaming, coercion, financial abuse, or using children or pets to control your behavior.

Domestic violence runs in a cycle. Typically, things are wonderful at the beginning of the relationship. Gradually, tension starts to build. Finally, an act of violence occurs. This may be verbal or physical. The victim is shocked. The relationship then moves into the "honeymoon" phase. The abuser is remorseful and attentive, and the victim wants to believe the abuse was an isolated incident. Again, the tension gradually builds until another violent act occurs. The longer the cycle goes on, the closer together the acts of violence happen.
My friends have had Many fights like in many other relationship. I'm a afraid for her life many times the girlfriend keeps saying how she will one day cut her throat.
Please please my beloved LGBTIQ remember your life is more important do not let anyone take it away for the sake of "love" here are forms of domestic violence look out for any sign of violence and fight it out of your life. spread love :
"Red Flags" Of A Battering Personality:

If you are uncertain whether your partner is abusive or if you want to be able to tell at the beginning of the relationship if the other person has the potential to become abusive, there are behaviors you can look for, including the following:

1. JEALOUSY: An abuser will always say that jealousy is a sign of love. Jealousy has nothing to do with love; it's a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust. In a healthy relationship, the partners trust each other unless one of them has legitimately done something to break that trust.

2. CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR: At first, the batterer will say this behavior is because they are concerned for your safety, a need for you to use time well or to make good decisions. Abusers will be angry if you are "late" coming back from the store or an appointment; you will be questioned closely about where you went, who you talked to. At this behavior gets worse, the abuser may not let you make personal decisions about the house, your clothing, or going to church. They may keep all the money; or may make you ask permission to leave the house or room.

3. QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Many domestic violence victims only knew their abuser for a few months before they were living together. The abuser may come on like a whirlwind, claiming "you're the only person I could ever talk to" and "I've never felt loved like this by anyone". Abusers are generally very charming at the beginning of the relationship. You will be pressured to commit in such a way that later you may feel very guilty if you want to slow down involvement or break up. If you are newly out, be careful; abusers often target those they know are new to the GLBT community because it is a time when you are vulnerable and may not know very many people in the community.

4. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Abusive people will expect their partner to meet all their needs: the perfect partner, lover, and friend. They say things like "if you love me, I'm all you need and you're all I need". You are supposed to take care of everything for them; emotionally, physically, and sometimes economically.

5. ISOLATION: The abusive person tries to cut the partner off from all resources. If you have same-sex friends, you are a "whore", a "slut" or "cheating". If you are close to family, you're "tied to the apron strings". The abuser will accuses people who are supportive of causing trouble, and may restrict use of the phone. They will gradually isolate you from all of your friends. They may not let you use a car (or have one that is reliable), and may try to keep you from working or going to school. Some abusers will try to get you into legal trouble so that you are afraid to drive or go out.

6. BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS: If your partner is chronically unemployed, someone is always doing them wrong or is out to get them. They may make mistakes and then blame you for upsetting them so that they can't concentrate on their work. They will tell you that you are at fault for almost anything that goes wrong.

7. BLAMES OTHERS FOR FEELINGS:Abusive people will tell you, "you made me mad" and "I can't help being angry". Although they actually makes the decision about how they think or feel, they will use feelings to manipulate you. Abusers see themselves as the "victim" in the relationship, and do not take responsibility for their own feelings or behaviors.

8. HYPERSENSITIVITY: Abusers are easily insulted, and may take the slightest setback as a personal attack. They will rant and rave about the injustice of things that are really just a part of living, such as having to get up for work, getting a traffic ticket, or being asked to help with chores.

9. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN:This is a person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain. They may expect children to be capable of things beyond their ability. They may tease children and younger brothers and sisters until they cry. They may be very critical of other people's children or any children you bring into the relationship. Your partner may threaten to prevent you from seeing children you have no biological rights to, or punish children to get even with you. About 60% of people who beat their partner also beat their children.

10. "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE IN SEX: This kind of person may like to act out fantasies where the partner is helpless. They let you know that the idea of rape is exciting. They may show little concern about whether you wants to have sex, and use sulking or anger to manipulate you. They may start having sex with you while you are sleeping, or demand sex when you are ill or tired. They may want to "make up" by having sex after they have just been physically or verbally abusive to you.

11. VERBAL ABUSE: In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel, this can be seen when the abuser degrades or curses you, belittling any of your accomplishments. They may say accuse you of not being a "real" lesbian or gay man. If you aren't out, they may threaten to out you to family members or your employer. The abuser will tell you that you are stupid and unable to function without them. They may wake you up to verbally abuse you, or not let you go to sleep.

12. RIGID SEX ROLES: Abusers expect the partner to play the "female" role; to serve them, and insists that you obey them in all things. The abuser sees you as unintelligent, inferior, responsible for menial tasks, and less than whole without the relationship. They will often tell you that no one else would want you or that you are nothing without them. They will remind you of everything they have done for you.

13. DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE: Many victims are confused by their abuser's sudden changes in mood, and may think it indicates a special mental problem. Abusers may be nice one minute, and explode the next. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of people who beat their partners. Many victims feel if their partner would just quit drinking or using drugs, the violence would stop. This is usually not the case. Abusive people continue the abuse, even after they stop using alcohol or drugs, unless they also seek help for their abusive behavior.

14. PAST BATTERING: These people say they have hit a partner in the past, but the previous partner made them do it. You may hear from relatives or ex partners that the person has been abusive. A batterer will beat any person they are with if they are with that person long enough for violence to begin; situational circumstances do not make a person an abusive personality.

15. THREATS OF VIOLENCE: This could include any threat of physical force meant to control you: "I'll slap your mouth off", "I'll kill you", "I'll break your neck". Most people do not threaten their mates, but a batterer will say "everyone talks like that", or "it didn't mean anything".

16. BREAKING OR STRIKING OBJECTS: This behavior is used as a punishment (breaking loved possessions), but is used mostly to terrorize you into submission. The abuser may beat on the table with their fist or throw objects around. This is not only a sign of extreme emotional immaturity, but indicates great danger when someone thinks they have the "right" to punish or frighten their partner.

17. ANY FORCE DURING AN ARGUMENT: A batterer may hold you down, restrain you from leaving the room, push you, or shove you. They may pin you to the wall, saying, "You're going to listen to me!

The worst is that when you are LGBTIQ it is hard to share what you are going through for how can you tell your friends and folks when they do not even know that you are LGBTIQ when you report to the police they tell you " we have seen a lot of friends fighting over men" thus not even giving you a chance to say what you need to say. Also even when my friend called the police they did not even bother coming to her aid even though she referred to her previous attack which she had reported...
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adera (user currently living in KENYA) posted for lesbian bisexual readers on 17/03/2012 +9
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i fell in love with my cousin when i was younger i know it is wrong but she was my first.. my first real kiss, my first real ecstasy and release was experienced in her arms.. i loved her for many years, then the inevitable occurred we were caught in the act and from then on i had to play the role of a straight woman. but, i still dream of her, she is my release in my dreams.. i have not seen her in years and i know we can never be, but she introduced me to my sexuality.. sex has never been that amazing ever.. i am very attracted to women but i compress that side of me.i doubt myself and convince myself that i am straight.. "it was only a faze" but, when i am drunk.. my inner desires come out and all i want is the warm embrace of a woman, the scent of a woman..to caress a woman's breasts and to explore what makes her a woman.. to take her to that place where there is no inhibition, you know that place that seems like heaven on earth.. i want to fall in love with a woman, take care of her and grow old with her.. my inner most desires are to be loved by this woman.. i just wish i could find this woman.. because it is so hard to meet women in Kenya.. or maybe its just me. i don't know.. i am not getting younger but i hope.. someday soon i will meet her.
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JOSHWA TAMBO (user currently living in KENYA) posted for gay bisexual readers on 10/10/2011 tagged with hate crime and violence prevention, hiv/aids , sexual orientation, armed forces
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I have worked with law enfocers ,healthcare providers , and existing community units to help break barriesr to access of health care services that prevent men having sex with men , sex workers from accessing services, currently in kenya there is good support to Most at risk population to help reduce their vulnerability to HIV/AIDs.
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GMAK-KENYA (user currently living in KENYA) posted for gay lesbian transgender bisexual intersex straight readers on 28/01/2010 tagged with human rights +5
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The Gay Movement Alliance of Kenya is a new organization that is coming up with a view to empower the LGBTQ socially, economically and healthwise, the organization welcomes all the support other groups can offer and in partnership, we hope we can strengthen our soviety for a better future
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