i am 22 years old and i first discovered that i was ay when i was in high school...i never did anything about because of the fear and stigmatisation that was attached to it.after high school i still kept my sexuality on the low as i was afraid of judgement and the wrath of epecially my family.i come from a very deep set religious background and my mum especially believes in curses and whenever i do something wrong she threatens me with a curse.so the option of me coming out to them is not really an option as i dont want to be disowned.
i tried dating guys and to be honest fell in love with one to the point that i thought maybe my gay feelings were just a passing phase.but my then boyfriend mistreated my heart so bad that after giving him more than three chances of him cheating on me i had to let him go.
not later after,my dad was having trouble with my mum and he found a friend in me to listen to.i would give him a listening ear and he would tell me everything to the deepest of things between him and my mum.i never knew he was in the process,falling in love with me untill one day in the middle of the night when he called me and confessed.i felt so guilty asking myself what i could have done to have made him feel so.i blamed myself for having lead him on by being so close and kind to him.i got so scared.i mean thats my father.was i going to be another statistic of incest?so i told him i didnt feel the same and that maybe if he doesnt love my mum anymore he should look for a good girl and it will be our little secret...just as long as he got me out of his mind as a lover.for heavens sake am his daughter.
after that episode i lost so much trust in men that i was single for the longest time till i met a girl...we went out for sometime like around eight months untill i met another girl who i fell in love with right from the start.
but there was a problem.she had a fiance...a man..i was okay with it at the beginnong and we decided that we were just having fun but things got serious along the way.she fell in love with me and i suggested we commit ourselves to each other and she agreed.to cut the long story short she went on ahead to marry her fiance though she fell out of love with him.
now they fight everyday and i fully know why and so does she but she cant get out of her marriage because she is scared of her family and friends and colleagues.she is scared what they might do to her if they found out.she is still fully in love with me and she begs me never to leave her.i also dont wanna lose her but i also cant stand sharing her epecially with a man that she hates.they dont even have sex.
she says that if she got a job and i a university in another country where we cant be judged,she can feel free to hold my hand,kiss me,hold me and just love me then she would go without thinking twice.
so now here we are,two lovers,the source of each others hapiness,separated by a judgemental society.
i dont know if we will ever be together.i cry myself to sleep every night when i imagine what she has to go through when he demands for sex and she has to fulfill his conjugal rights.one thing i know she does after that is she pukes her guts out.and it pains me knowing there is nothing i can do about it except wait till the day she decides to be happy......with me.
and if you are a visitor in this country...make sure that you dont do any gay acts in front of a maasai especially.i had a run in once with a colleague and he and his girlfriend beat me up because they were told am gay.i wasnt even with a gal that night but just the thought of it drove him crazy.
thing is..maasais are just not in kangas and lesos. there are also learned maasais out there who dress formally.but a maasai is maasai at the end of the day.
so basically in Kenya...you cant go around saying you are gay.but you can live peacefully and happily with your patner if you are stable and if you are secretive about it in public.