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The Your Stories section is all about you! Please take a minute to tell visitors of the ILGA website about what LGBTI life is like in reality. Please submit your personal story and share your experience!

Share your experiences in CHINA - Let others know what it’s like to be LGBTI in your country! If an experience is meaningful for you, it will probably be meaningful for someone else. On whatever topic, whether good or bad, your story is how the world knows about your country and LGBTI life. By selecting tags that mark the topic your story, others can learn from your experience.
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Readers Experiences

This is what people are saying about life for LGBTI people in CHINA...
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showing stories 1-50

xie posted for gay readers on 27/06/2013 tagged with sexual orientation
Hey, im a gay. But my sister IS pushing me to marry with a woman< MY SISTER knOw i AM a gay>. yesterday she askED my birthdate and she gave my Info for that girl. im angry, but i cant say anything, i cant yell at her. she know i would be angry, so she didnt call me for that, but she called my brother's wife and asked her to call me and pushed me to have a meeting with that girl. I was angry when i got my sister-in-law's call, but i cant say no to her since she was kind for me and she explained many for me,she said all my family did were for me. But i dont like that life at all,also it will hurt the girl we are going to meet.

Im an 36-year old man. how can they do that to me? but the problem is that i cant say no to them since they are my family. and i cant go home now coz they know im a gay. i just feel tatolly embarrassed if we meet.But i have to face this coz i need to visit my mom who live with my brothers.

Now i really want to get a place to hide, i dont want to hurt them ,but idont want to see them either but my mom.

im really scared. i worry about that they are positioning me

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(user currently living in CHINA) posted for lesbian readers on 30/03/2013 tagged with religion +5
in my society i can not tell anyone i am a lesbian, because i live in a society where the islam control people`s mind . i`m afraid not be accapted by the people,
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Dave (user currently living in UNITED STATES) posted for gay readers on 26/07/2012 tagged with tourism
I am travelling to China for the first time and wonder if anyone has visa application advice.

I'm married, we've been together for 27 years, but got married in Massachusetts only when it became available.

I'm inclined to put down that I'm single, and not list my husband as major family member, but that is not true. I do not like being dishonest, and I also fear if much research is done my marriage will be easily discovered.

I recently got a 5 year visa from Saudia Arabia and in the application I put down married, since they did not ask for spousal name or family members. I also had to pick a religion as I'm not religious.

has anyone had experience with this? Any thoughts would be appreciated.
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Summer (user currently living in CHINA) posted for lesbian readers on 31/05/2012 tagged with gender identity, laws and leadership +20
I'm a 25 years old lesbian living in China mainland. Now I'm a volunteer in a local lesbian NGO. I hope I can marry a partner in my own country.

I was 17 when the first time I kissed a girl. We had a one year relationship but I ended it as I thought being gay is immoral. I want to be staight, be "normal",as what mainstream said. So I had a three months relationship with a boy but ended in nothing. For the following three years, I had been sigle, lonely, and so desperate. I dare not to face my "immoral" sexual orientation until I found myself fall in love again with a girl. Sadly, she is staight.

My ex-partner left me and now has a relationship with a boy. The day we broke up, she tole me her life would be normal: she will date men, get married, have children, be mom, be grandma.

Many Chinese lesbians are forced by parents or social pressure to marry guys. Chinese women are taught to be obedient. It's like a shame for women not getting married with men.

I accept myself being lesbian as I want to be at least honest to my true self. No matter how hard my life would be, I will never marry guys as I have only one chance to live a life I really want.
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Michelle (user currently living in NETHERLANDS) posted for readers in response to this story on 21/05/2012 +0
Hello Damon,

I am a communication student from Holland and I am coming to Beijing from 1-16 june. I am interested in the gay community and in your story, is it possible that we can meet to talk about it?
If so I can give you my emailadress.
Greets Michelle
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damon (user currently living in CHINA) posted for gay readers on 13/04/2012 tagged with health
Dear ILGA staff,

I am really glad and excited to write you this email, and really thanks for your doing for LGBT issues. I believe gay, lesbian,transgender,bisexual must live a happy life under your effort and help for them.

I am damon, 28 years old, from China, i am a gay too. There are many many things i wanna talk with you, but here i will briefly explain my situation.

I was born in a farmer family located in Eastern China, i was brought up by my grandmother, i lived in my mom's mother and stayed with my uncle until i was taken back in 7 years old to go to school.

1. During the elementary school, i liked to play with girls , and do games with girls, i was chosen to perform with the female classmates on a public stage during International Children's Day, i don't like my male classmate's rude behaviors and therefore i dont like to play and stay with them, they call me " false lady", its quite a insulting name for me.

2. During the middle school, i began to play with boys to show that i am not a faggoty, but i still don't like playing basketball, football, these violent games. During this period, i found that i like to stare at boys and teachers of good looking, and i also imagined their sexual organs sometimes. At the same time, when i was in grade 3, i had oral sex with a male classmate when we lived in the dorm, i was excited when doing it. When i was in grade 4, i slept with another classmate and kissed each other on the bed ,no oral sex.

3. When i entered the senior high school, there was no special happened during that period, but i still paid attention to good looking boys.

4. During my 1st grade of university, i began to touch the internet, and once time i roaming on the internet and found a website of gay and then i realized i liked man not girls and since then i began to get more information about gay. I have good relationships with my female classmate on campus, i came out to 3 of my female friends, but i am not feminine.

5. Now i have worked for 3 years, and you may dont know in China, the biggest thing for a people is get married and have a baby, if you dont get married after 30 years old, people around you and your family will be curious the reason why you still be single. Although china has opened to the word for more than 30 years old, but Chinese people are still very conservative , even if parents have accepted higher education, they still may not understand why you are a gay, they may think you are sick and will take you to hospital for consultation. If people know you are a gay, you will be labeled by abnormal,ill, and people may keep away from you. In China, there are 98% gay choose to marry a girl and live as a normal man, but in their deep heart, they can not accept his wife and his life , but there is no other way.

6. I am 28 years old now, every time i go back home, relatives will ask me why i still don't take my girlfriend home , i always tell them i am still young and i should focus on my career, my parents now are worried about me and under pressure, my contemporary all had babies now. I ever thought whether i should come out to my parents, but they have no much education and i am afraid they cant understand what is gay and this will lead them to bigger sorrow.....

The aim i write you this email is i know you must experienced many this kind issues like me. Hope i can get some suggestions from you.

Wish you happy every day.

Thank you very much...

Yours sincerely


13,April,2012 in China
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Kenneth (user currently living in CHINA) posted for gay readers on 10/04/2011
Full details to the gay bar raid are here:
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posted for gay transgender intersex straight readers on 10/10/2010 +5
I don't know if I was a gay or I am a gay, I am so confused about my sex Orientation, So I want people help me to know if I am a gay. I don't know, I watch gay movies and I feel so excited when I meet a man who is cool. Who is as my age and who is in a suit.
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(user currently living in CHINA) posted for lesbian readers on 24/03/2010 tagged with at the work place +15
i've been in a relationship with my gf for more than a year. she went to Syd this Feb and we're suffering a lot lately. in my country, China, there's no law to protect or against us. u don't get legally punished for being gay, what punishes u is the pressure from ur family and the social mainstream. we're a heterosexual society like the rest of the world. the law doesn't hurt u or even blame u, but the family which makes u who u r can be very harsh on u if u r gay. my gf and i are not planning to come out to our families cuz we don't wanna break their hearts, but staying in the closet(sort of) has crushed ur dreams of building a normal family. too much pressure. it's just too much. lately, we've been considering where our love should go. we don't wanna give up on each other cuz what we've experienced is true love. we can't even stand the idea of breaking up but the social reality is crunching us. she cries every time when she calls and there's nothing i can do. i start to hate this society for not respecting diversity. in China, we have an old saying which goes like, don't do to others what u don't want others to do to u. but it's not true. the society is alway judging and telling ppl what's right. being gay is not right, it says. the law won't punish u but i will punish u with ur family, it says.
i used to believe in God. but once i found i was gay, i stopped praying to Him, cuz the nature He gave me has made me a sinner.
it might take generations for the Chinese mainstream to accept gay couples or marriage. my generation has failed. hopefully the coming generations can get what we can't get.
if u wanna help me, plz contact me at annasuinana@gmail.com
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Vince (user currently living in CHINA) posted for gay readers on 15/01/2010 tagged with tourism, laws and leadership , marriage / civil unions, tourism +5
I lived now over a year in China. The following issues affected me:

Discrimination in housing
A few weeks having moved to a flat in Beijing, the landlord gave us notice to vacate the flat. Among other reasons stated, one was that me and my husband were seen giving each other a kiss on the CCTV camera for the building's lift. Neighbours would have complained about that.
There is no legal law to protect from this discrimination. While looking for a new place to live, we we about to rent a flat but when the landlady came to know we were going to share a double bed, she refused us suddenly without reasons. For our current tenancy we pretend to sleep in different bedrooms.

Discrimination in immigration
I am a student at a university in Beijing and therefore am granted a student visa with a full residence permit for one year. My husband came with me to China to find a job but had issues getting a visa. People with student visas are allowed to have their spouses registered as accompanying family members. We tried to apply for such a visa for him and issued the marriage certificate from the UK but were refused on the grounds that same-sex marriages are not recognized.
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Germán (user currently living in URUGUAY) posted for gay lesbian readers in response to this story on 09/01/2010 tagged with human rights +10
I hope you one day could be able to express your feelings with freedom and pride; you don't deserve to punish yourself like that, leaving your love and hopes in silence.
I wish you the best luck in the world, hope your family will some day understand you, because family bonds are the most important ones.
Send you a big hug, and please, don't give up!
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(user currently living in CHINA) posted for lesbian readers on 09/01/2010 tagged with gender identity +10
When I gradutated from colleague, I met my first girl friend. We fell in love just as fast as the lighting. I implied to my parent about my relationship. But they didn't seems to accept it due to the traditional view in their mind. If I had came out, they would have been miserable. So I tried to be " straight". After a long time fright in my mind, I met a boy, but found it's unfaithful for him to be together, because I'm not able to love him. So we broke up. Recently, I made many friends. They are queers also. They are from northen China, and they told me that's not possible for parents to understand what is homosexualty. If they came out, they might have grabbed to accept the mental treatment. I felt it's a tragedy to be a lesbian, whereas I can't change it. I wish my parents will accept it someday and wish people won't discriminate against the queer some day.
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posted for readers on 21/12/2009 tagged with entertainment +5
China has opened its first government-funded gay bar! See http://www.cdeclips.com/en/nation/fullstory.html?id=36003
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