|Jennifer Josef, ILGA-ASIA|
|Jennifer Josef, ILGA-ASIA|
Details of research conducted into male homosexuality in Vietnam were released in July 2011, by the STDs/HIV/AIDS Prevention Center, which provided a lot of interesting information about gays in Vietnam.
According to the survey, many women were shocked to discover that their husbands were gay after a long time living together.
Ha, 25, in Hai Ba Trung district, Hanoi, got married at the age of 25. One year later, she had a son. The family life was very smooth until she found out that her husband is gay.
This man had no sexual desire with his wife, but he watched gay porn films and masturbated, even while beside his wife. The couple’s relationship got worse. One day, after a violent quarrel, the husband confessed that he is gay.
“He said he knew himself as a gay when he was 22 years old but he hid himself because being afraid of discrimination. He married me because his parents wanted to have someone to maintain the continuity of family line,” Ha said in tears.
The man confessed to his wife because he wanted to live with his nature, with one person – his wife.
While Ha’s husband confessed himself as gay, many women had to spy to confirm that their husbands were gay.
Phuong Anh, 36, from Dong Da District, Hanoi, suspected that her husband was committing adultery with somebody because the man did not have sex with his wife for a very long time.
The man often sent text messages at night.
One night, while her husband slept, Phuong Anh checked his cell phone and saw one message with passionate words, but it was very strange that the message sender called her husband “em” (used for women).
Phuong Anh called the strange number and heard a male voice who asked “It’s me. Don’t you sleep yet, my sweetheart?”
“From that moment, I knew my husband is gay,” Phuong Anh said.
It is an obsession for women who know their husbands are gay. Most of them want to divorce but it is only easy for newly-married couples who do not have children.
According to the research, most gays do not want to reveal their secret to avoid social discrimination. They still get married and have children. Their secret is mainly detected by their relatives.
A 34-year-old gay in Hanoi said: “I knew I’m a gay at the age of 22. My family knew that secret but they forced me to get married. I could still have sex with my wife and we had babies. But my wife is the first and will be the last woman in my life. I do not have sex with my wife often. I have to seek other gays to satisfy my instinct.”
It is a tragedy for gays whose families force them to get married. A 30-year-old gay in Hanoi said he could not change his nature.
“I’ve tried with girls several times but I failed. My father is nearly 80 years old and I want to get married to assure him. I had a girlfriend but she left me after a month because I could not have sex with have. It is terrified but I do not know how to do,” he said.
According to experts, social discrimination against gays maintains because people lack knowledge about homosexuality. People often think that homosexuality is pathologic and disgusting. Even gays discriminate themselves.
Discrimination of families and community against gays has caused bad effects for gays and community. Many gays have negative reactions like quitting school, leaving their home or even committing suicide.
Many of them leave their home without stable jobs. They do not dare to participate in social activities and even do not dare to go to hospital when they are ill.